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Just Shy or Not Interested?

A good friend of mine passed her story along…

are-we-just-friends

I worked with a guy that I had a huge crush on.  Still do, actually.  It’s always been a casual, just friends sort of relationship, but secretly I hoped it may eventually turn into something.  Well, the time had come, maybe?  He invited me to his best friend’s wedding.  I searched for the perfect dress, something to make me look hot and hopefully break me out of the ‘friend zone’.  Now I just had to wait… 2 weeks until that day.

In the meantime, he asked me out to dinner.  We had a nice friendly dinner, but he always acted so awkward around me, and that night was no exception.  He wasn’t at all flirty or ‘touchy-feely’.  When it came time to leave, he put his hands in his pockets and swayed back and forth like he didn’t know how the end the date.  And that was that.

Several days later (still prior to the wedding), he invited me to go to the zoo with him.  At last, this is a date… or so I was hoping.  It was another friendly outing with him.  Was he interested in me romantically, or was I just a friend?  I couldn’t seem to decipher where this was going.  Again, the fidgety awkwardness came at the end of the date.

The big day arrived.  This was my chance to show him that I wasn’t just one of the guys, I was his beautiful date.  Well, same story.  More awkwardness.  I guess this isn’t going where I had hoped it would.  I’m stuck in the dreaded friend zone.  The bright side is that I now have a sexy little black dress to wear for another occasion.

My Very First Online Dating Experience

Margarita in a glass

This is a strange story.  So much so, you may not believe it all to be true.  But, I promise you, it is.

I met my date at a popular Mexican restaurant, known for their potent margaritas, about 30 minutes away from my house.  Not quite sure what to expect, as I was very new into the dating world again.  The first thing I noticed was that he was a handsome man, but could do without the heavy gold jewelry (Rolex, bracelet and necklace) he was wearing.  I thought, that’s easy to change, I’ll give him a chance.  We hit it off right away and conversation flowed well.  We talked about traveling and the places we’ve been and would like to go to.  This is where it started to get weird, and should’ve been my first clue.  He mentioned Hedonism was his favorite destination.  OK, I thought.  It’s not my style, but there’s definitely a market for it, otherwise it wouldn’t be popular.  From there, he said he wanted to take me to a swingers bar after our drinks.  “No thanks”, I said.  Still feeling the need to be polite, which in hindsight was silly, I stayed and continued chatting with him.  A little while later, he excused himself to the restroom.  When he returned, he pretended to shake my hand.  In that handshake he handed me a ball of white powder in a baggie.  Being naive, I asked what it was.  He said cocaine.  Yikes!  I’m not sure how I put off the vibe that I’d be interested in that, or anything else he mentioned.  At that point, I decided that this date wasn’t going in a good direction, so said I needed to leave.  He said that since I’d had a (strong) margarita, I probably shouldn’t drive home; so he booked us a room at a nearby hotel to sleep it off… “No strings”.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  Creeper!  Was this guy for real?  I can’t believe he assumed that I, or anyone else for that matter, would appreciate his offer and actually follow through with it!

Fast forward about 6 months.  I received a random text from him.  Keep in mind that I never heard from or spoke to him after the first date.  The text said “I’m going to Cancun next week and need a date.  Wanna go?”  It’s clear all this guy was after.  I’ve learned that not everyone that is dating online has the same intention of finding someone to love.

Stretching the Truth

Tape_measure_colored

His online profile description said he was a banker, with an athletic body type and pictures to prove it.  Good looking and successful – those were starting points anyway, albeit shallow, but starting points nonetheless.  We decided to meet.  First off, “athletic” is NOT how I would describe him.  Did he misinterpret the question and list his body type as athletic because he played golf?  Well, this guy was carrying at least 20 lbs more than any of his pictures showed.  Did he think I wouldn’t notice?  I’ve never understood the misrepresentation of body type, but have heard dozens of stories from men & women alike that people are not necessarily the same in person as they represent themselves online.

Telling myself that looks aren’t everything; it’s what’s inside that matters, I decided not to run away and would give him the benefit of the doubt.  A few minutes into our conversation, I learn that his occupation as a banker actually translated to his being a bank teller at the bank’s branch inside Albertsons.  Wow, this guy was really creative with his description.

Aside from these ‘slight’ exaggerations, we didn’t have any chemistry, and conversation was seriously lacking.  Waiting as long as I deemed polite, I finally left.  Then he tried to kiss me!  Did he not see how disastrous this date really was? Maybe he was just clueless… or hopeful?  Yuck- not a chance!  As we drove off in our separate directions, I heard a “beep beep” honk to get my attention.  It was him, waving at me from his ancient KIA.  Icing on the cake…

As I write this, I realize how shallow I must sound… overweight bank teller that drives a KIA.  That’s really not what this is about.  I’m not a gold digging, appearances focused girl.  But, chemistry and honesty are two must-haves.

Perfect on Paper?

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This guy was “Perfect on Paper”, as the saying goes.   A successful doctor, family man, handsome, personable, funny, the list went on.   Oh, and did I mention he said he was on good terms with his ex-wife?  Yes, I thought this one could possibly go somewhere.  After several weeks, he invited me to his house to watch a movie and meet his boys.  I felt comfortable enough to do this, so accepted the offer.  He was a perfect gentleman, his boys seemed sweet.  While watching the movie, I started looking around the room.  I noticed family pictures – which included a woman.  Hmmm, something seemed fishy.  I got up to go to the bathroom; one of those full bathrooms that included a shower.  Yes, that’s important to this story.  I peeked inside the shower & saw long hair on the shower wall, and tons of women’s products.  Keep in mind, this is a house full of boys – so where did all of this women’s stuff come from?  I returned to watch the movie, very skeptical at this point, and noticed that all of the family pictures that I had just seen 5 minutes prior were all now gone.  Weird!  I asked him point blank about what I had seen.  He sheepishly told me that he was just separated.  Ummm, did he think I wouldn’t notice the pictures and long hair and beauty products?  I’m not so sure that he was even separated.  And what was with the “on good terms with the ex-wife” comment about?  That was my cue to leave & never talk to him again.

Men are like chocolate and not coffee…. By Bridgette

Men are like chocolate and not coffee….

We all know the old adage about how do you like your man – like my coffee.  Check the little boxes on the side of your paper cup for the man of your dreams.  Maybe.   Now if you’re a fancy coffee drinker you may know what a venti, no foam with room looks like but, I don’t.  Is he tall, hairless in baggy pants?  So, instead of coffee as my guideline I’m going to use chocolate.   I like my men like I like my chocolate; fancy, dark and bitter.  Not the less expensive kind of chocolate which can be a little too sweet, have a fake outer layer and be full of useless fillers.   And you can always pick out the nuts if you get the wrong kind.

Mis-Matched with the perfect guy. By Lynn

Have you ever met the perfect guy but just had no chemistry at all? I met the perfect man. Everyone has their own definition of the perfect man. For me Mr. Perfect had a warm sincere smile, easy personality, the ability to have funny smart conversation and a love for life. He had a wonderful job and did not hate it. Rare.  He had two kids and loved to spend time with them…He loved to travel and actually traveled. He had friends, tons of friends, and could talk with anyone about anything.  We instantly clicked on our first date and talked for hours. I remember thinking; this is why I have been going through all this online dating homework, so I could to meet a great guy like this. He was a little larger than I usually date but he fit his frame well and had an amazing head of hair and deep blue eyes. Dates 2 and 3 were just as fun and easy, yet we had not kissed. He was a little shy in that department. Date 4, driving in the BMW convertible after dinner at sunset he grabbed my hand and smiled at me. I should have had that feeling, you know that feeling of initial excitement and tingle like “I am excited to be with you and I want to kiss you” but all I could think of was I felt nothing.  NOTHING. Then I started that self-talking….You know the talking you do in your head that no one hears but you…”Am I just being guarded from my last break up?”,” Am I just nervous?”,”Am I too picky?”…Trying to stay relaxed and just go with the moment, I smiled and held his hand all the way back home. When we arrived, I leaned over and kissed him. He smiled and leaned in for more and I knew …Nothing. Damn. Why…He was perfect. Has that ever happened to you??

 

No Gold At The End Of This Rainbow

This story still makes us girls laugh as we re-tell it over the years.  In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago.

I met a guy on Match and we emailed for several weeks but hadn’t had a chance to meet.  One evening, us 3 girls were at happy hour, and after a few drinks decided that it would be a good idea to extend the invitation to him as well.  Lovely first impression I see in hindsight.  Anyhow, he joins us, the drinks and conversations are flowing, and it’s surprisingly comfortable for all of us.  He says he’s Irish, and we all start talking about Irish nicknames and laughing.  It turns into a really fun night for everyone.

Fast forward- after the “date”, I’m talking with Lynn, and she says that she thinks he looks like a leprechaun.  Says he’s so cute, but his build, ears and nose remind her of a leprechaun.  She goes on to ask me more about him, specifically where he works.  I thought for a moment, paused, and started cracking up.  I could barely get out the words… “Shamrock Foods”.  It didn’t occur to me until that moment, and it struck us both so funny.  How ironic?

Fast forward- to my next date with him.  I look down at his shoes, and although they’re nice “going out” shoes, they happen to be the style where the toes curl up.  I just about lost it at that moment.   Despite the leprechaun likeness, he turned out to be a super nice guy, and we dated for about 7 months until things fizzled out.  I didn’t find a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.

Posted by Hailey (“The Romantic”)

You Know You’re in Love When…

You know you’re in love when you don’t have to talk yourself into it or explain to your friends his goofy smile, or why he looks like a dork in a picture.

Why is it that we talk ourselves into things…whether it’s a new dress or a boyfriend?  It’s the new style, great designer and on SALE, but we hem & haw in the dressing room.  Does it look good on me?  Do I look fat?  Do I have the confidence to pull this off? Where will I wear it…on a date, out to lunch with the girls, an art opening?  We ask everyone’s opinion in the store if it’s flattering and ask for suggestions on what to wear it with. In and out of the dressing room we go.  No…I don’t think I can step out of my comfort zone like this.  It’s likely to hang in my closet with the tags on forever.  Take it off, put it back on.  Take a picture and text it to your best friend to get her input.  Maybe she’ll say it’s fantastic, you look skinny and MUST get it.   It is 40% off, and looks so cute on the stars in US Magazine, and it’s Diane von Furstenburg.  I really do need to update my style, but it’s SO not me.  Do I buy it, or not?!  It could make the perfect outfit for the upcoming event that I haven’t been invited to…but what if that event never happens? Then where do I wear it without looking like I’m trying too hard?  Can I actually wear it and feel comfortable wearing it, or will everyone be able to tell that I feel like I’m playing dress up?  But then again, I might change my mind once I get home and someone else will have gotten it by then, and the bargain will be gone forever.

We act the same way about men.  We talk ourselves into them also.  You may like the guy you’re dating, but start to notice his quirks and idiosyncrasies sooner than you “think” you should.  Next thing you know, you’re picking apart how he looks in pictures and the fact that his boxers are so threadbare that you can see through them.  Not to his face of course, that would be rude and inconsiderate.  But in your head the thoughts come and go like the tide.  He is a nice guy, he treats you well, and you do enjoy hanging out with him.  But shouldn’t you be proud of your “love”, and want to share all the great qualities about him to your best friend rather than everything that bugs you about him?  We’re not perfect, so why do we insist our men must be, or that we shouldn’t notice the “frog” qualities until much later into the relationship?  Are we being picky?  Does this tell us that he isn’t the “one” and we should continue our search until everything is as we think it “should” be?  Or are we just being bitches and need to shut up and focus on the positive?

What happens when you start dating someone and you’re kind of into them?  They have potential.  You’ve stopped dating others because you think he might just be the “one”.  We’ve all been burned enough to know better than to jump feet first without feeling a bit cautious first.  But for some reason, you feel really cautious, especially when others ask if you’re dating anyone.  It just comes out without thinking, “just this guy Bob, but I’m still looking”.  Is that true caution, the fact that you’re letting on to others that your relationship is less than it is, or is that your subconscious talking, telling you to move on?  When you’re with him, things are great, comfortable and you’re attracted to each other.  However when you don’t see or talk to each other for a day or two, you don’t find yourself missing him or longing to talk or be with him.  Is that healthy?  Maybe that’s what love is and what we should all strive for rather than the pining away we do when we’re infatuated.  Clearly, I’ve had a lot of experience with men and infatuation, but have never been in love…until now.

Posted by Hailey (“The Romantic”)